I don't remember. Are we still dating?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
