I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
