I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
You did what with his pubic hair?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
