its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
