hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
