so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
