We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
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