If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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