did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize