I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Randomize
