He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize