is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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