I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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