If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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