ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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