All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
