she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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