Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Houston, we have a blender
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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