Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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