She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
