I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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