He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
