he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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