i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You're like the curious george of whores
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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