I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
