We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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