...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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