Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
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