I skipped work to stalk him.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
where are you?
Hypothermia
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
