He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
YAS. BRING CRAB.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
