So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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