You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
