Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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