No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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