I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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