Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
