anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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