Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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