so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
