At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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