So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
