btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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