I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
