I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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