what if every blade of grass was a penis?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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