Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
