im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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