i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
