wanna go halves on a baby?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize