Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Randomize
