Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
