I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
