he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
he shaved USA in his pubs
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize