i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
