Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
