YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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