You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
