I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
