Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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