i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
