Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
