so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
