We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
50% drunk capacity currently
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
