He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize