ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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