Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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