Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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