this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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