I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
