Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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