I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
