I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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