i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
