Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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