Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
